No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
