Someone shit on the floor
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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