do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Randomize
