She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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