the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
