Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
