I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
