Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
