Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
