i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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