Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
