Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
