i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
