Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
