Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
