I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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