paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
