The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
