Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
