i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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