oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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