you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
