Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
