My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
