he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Randomize
