Soap is not a condiment
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
