Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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