yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Randomize
