Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
