my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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