Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
