She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
