im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
