I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
