thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
