have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
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