there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
