Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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