U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
