I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
