If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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