I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
