capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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