Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.