she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
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Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
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It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
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