It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"