Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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