do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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