I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize