i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
