ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
