I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
