I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
