next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Two words: blizzard sex
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
