I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
