Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
