I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
he wants to bone in the snuggie
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
