Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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