Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
zippers are such a cool invention
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
