Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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