did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
The struggles of a small town man whore
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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