i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
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