you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
it's great music for shaving your balls
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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