I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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