do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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