his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
