Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
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